The Marriage of Marina
Pascu
to Lincoln Bandlow
Wednesday, February 18,
2017
Welcome,
sisters and brothers, to this celebration of the love that is shared between
these two wonderful people, Marina Pascu and Lincoln Bandlow. Today, they stand
before us to make promises with their words that they have already made with
their hearts. Today, they stand before us to confirm with their vows what they
have already said through the joyful integration of their lives: that this is a
deep, sacred, and imperishable union of two souls that were meant to be
together, now and forever.
Many
years ago, a theology professor of mine invited us to ask the question that we
thought was the toughest for people of faith to answer. One student immediately
blurted out: “What is the nature of God?” The professor smiled and said: “Oh, that’s
an easy one. God is complete love. And God is complete mystery.”
That
notion of “complete mystery” left me powerfully humbled and so I am quick to
acknowledge that I do not know much about how God does business. But I have a
hunch that He spends a lot of His time trying to figure out how to bring
together people who should spend their lives with each other. So I can imagine
an angel coming to God and saying: “Marina and Lincoln--they belong together.”
And I can hear God saying in response: “Okay, but this is going to take a
while.”
And
take a while it did. Indeed, Marina and Lincoln had to come from two very
different places and follow two very circuitous paths to get here, where we
find them now. Let’s start with this data point: it is roughly 6,500 miles from California,
where Lincoln was born, to Romania, where Marina was born. That’s almost as far
as California is from the rest of the United States.
Lincoln
grew up steeped in all things American: the beach, surfing, volleyball, and
movies. Marina, in contrast, did not come to the United States until 1990, at
which point she spoke not a word of English. It may be just as well they did
not meet each other then, because Lincoln would not have understood Marina and Marina
would not have understood Lincoln. Of course, understanding Lincoln may still
be a challenge for her, as it is for all of us, for reasons having nothing to
do with language, but as the Latin saying goes “love conquers all.”
In
the course of their journeys toward each other, Marina and Lincoln built
families that continue to have a central place in their lives. Lincoln deeply
loves his son Dean and his daughter Valentina and, Marina, her boys Adrian and
Colin. And Lincoln and Marina hold close in their hearts his mother Vikki and
sister Lisa, and her mother Marilena, dad Stephan, and brother Val. This is the
mystery of divine math: two became eleven, and today eleven become one.
But
even when the universe managed to move Marina and Lincoln into the same space—which
took some doing—they proved a little slow to notice each other. They actually
worked together for years before they saw what life might hold for them. And
then, of course, they couldn’t un-see it.
Those
of us who have the blessing of their friendship see it, too. We see the
unalloyed joy that they take in each other’s company. We see the happiness that
beams out of them as they chase life down. We see the delight that they take in
the adventures, and occasional misadventures, that they share. And we see them,
always, standing close to each other as if there were no real existence apart,
because, of course, they know this to be true.
Like
many of their friends, I have watched all of this unfold on Facebook, where
Lincoln and I routinely agree about everything except politics, because he is
consistently wrong on such matters. And in those Facebook photos it has been
wonderful to see their love mature without losing any of its light or heat. To
the contrary, it is clear that with every day their relationship grows in all
its dimensions—in depth, in height, and in reach. I understand that they hear
this sort of thing from their friends all the time, which is understandable:
after all, to look at a picture of these two is to look straight into the face of
love itself.
But
there is something subtler going on as well. To look at this couple is also to
see two people whose journeys have finally brought them to a place of
incredible peace. Lincoln loves the ocean, and Marina—whose father was a
sailor—is named for it, so permit me a nautical metaphor if you will. It is as
though after lots of rocky seas they have at long last come into a safe and
secure harbor. And it doesn’t hurt that it’s a harbor where vodka and whiskey
are served.
In
just a moment, Marina and Lincoln will exchange vows. But before they do so I’d
like to share a favorite passage from the great theologian Martin Buber about
the holiness of everyday activities. When Marina and Lincoln asked me to
officiate here today, this passage immediately came to mind, because I think
they exemplify it. Buber wrote:
“One
eats in holiness, tastes the taste of food in holiness, and the [dinner] table
becomes an altar. One works in holiness, and he raises up the sparks that hide
themselves in all tools. One drinks in holiness to each other with one’s
companions, and it is as if they read together in the [scriptures.] One dances
in holiness, and a brightness shines over the gathering. A husband is united
with his wife in holiness and the [glory of the divine presence] rests over
them.”
Marina
and Lincoln, when you two eat and drink with friends, it will now and forever
be an act of holiness. When you dance together, it will be an act of holiness.
When you laugh and weep and celebrate and worry together, it will be an act of
holiness.
For
God, in a glorious act of complete and love and complete mystery, has brought
you into each other’s arms. Never forget what has been done for you. And always
kiss each other goodnight.
I
know that Marina and Lincoln want to thank everyone for being here: Steve,
Karen, Cynthia, Joe, Carolyn, Tim, and Lisa. You are part of their family, too.
They asked me to convey that it means a lot to them to have you here.
Vows
We come now to the exchange of vows.
Lincoln,
let’s begin with you. Please place the ring on Marina’s finger and hold her
hand.
Lincoln,
will you take Marina to be your wife, to live together in holy marriage? Will
you love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her in sickness and in health,
for as long as you both shall live, unparted even in death?
Marina,
please place the ring on Lincoln’s finger and hold his hand.
Marina,
will you take Lincoln to be your husband, to live together in holy marriage?
Will you love him, comfort him, honor him, and keep him in sickness and in
health, for as long as you both shall live, unparted even in death?
Lincoln and Marina, I pronounce you man and
wife. Congratulations.
Blessing
Marina
and Lincoln, the Lord bless you and keep you;
The
Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you;
The
Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace;
Now,
and forever, and forever, and forever.
Amen.
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